I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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