I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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