I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
