i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
