the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
