she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
