Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
