Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
