the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize