At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
