He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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