haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
