It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
