waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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