she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
