You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
