everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
