Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
