Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
