Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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