I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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