So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
