Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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