i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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