I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Your cock deserves a montage
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Randomize
