yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
