She said her name was "party"
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
