My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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