I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
