I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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