I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
