I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
