it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
