remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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