she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
