There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
