But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
