you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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