p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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