how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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