i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
