It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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