Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
