He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
