I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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