I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Randomize
