Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
