This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
