Kiss
Puke
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
