He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
