Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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