It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
