Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
