Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
