if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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