I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
