just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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