Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
