I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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