I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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