maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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