I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
