The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
