TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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