White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
