never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
