he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
