I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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