I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
