Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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