Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
