Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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