And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
