oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's never too late to be topless.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
