You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
