Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
