I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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