AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize