If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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