She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
