Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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