Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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