think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
