Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
