yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
