I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
