no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize