In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
