Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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