Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
