she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
