her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize