This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
