apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
