i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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