I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FUCK WHALES
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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