I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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