Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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