THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
