What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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