Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
