What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize